


Don't leave me

by HelaHiddles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-11
Updated: 2013-12-11
Packaged: 2018-01-04 08:31:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1078818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelaHiddles/pseuds/HelaHiddles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean realizes that the saying 'you won't miss it until it's gone' is far too true and losing Cas hurts too much.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I love you

Cas had been feeling it for quite some time now, the weakness that was overtaking him. It was getting harder to smite demons and doing more than one at the time was impossible now. A hunt would always leave him exhausted and even though he didn't sleep he found himself needing to rest on one of the beds sometimes.

"Please... father, tell me what's happening. What is wrong with me? I can't fight this much longer" He had prayed in a whisper one night as he leaned back in the armchair close to Dean's bed. He felt exhausted and weak, almost to the point of shaking.

Then one morning he had woken up on one of the motel room's beds and he could barely move. He had actually passed out and when he groaned, Dean had rushed to his side with worry in his eyes.

"Cas, are you okay? What is going on?" He had asked, trying to stay calm but Cas could see the worry making a frown between his eyebrows and he was chewing his lip absentmindedly.

"I don't know." Cas whispered tiredly, trying to sit up but failing miserably.

"Just relax, okay? We'll figure out what's wrong.. maybe you're just sick." Dean smiled weakly down at him and Cas just sighed and leaned back into the pillow, it was all he could do at the moment.

"Dean, angels don't get sick, nor do we sleep or get tired. Something is wrong." He coughed lightly at the end of the sentence and sighed once more. He had never felt like this before, not even when he fell and lost his grace. This was different, he was fading. He hadn't heard his brothers or sisters in a while and his prayers were reaching no one. He was not able to zap back to heaven or heal any of the brothers wounds. He was dying..

"We'll call one of your angel buddies or get someone else to heal you.. something." Dean was starting to get desperate and he shared a worried glance with Sam who walked over to the other side of the bed.

"I've tried.. I've called them all.. Nothing." He said between coughs, his skin was pale and shining with sweat.

"You'll be okay... just... I... We'll figure something out." Dean said, rubbing a hand over his face before getting up and getting some cold water and a towel. "You'll be okay." He whispered once more, placing the cold, wet towel against Cas' forehead. He had no idea if it would help but he had to do something. Cas sighed and closed his eyes slowly.

"Dean, I won't.. I think I'm dying." He whispered back and Dean stopped his movements and bit his tounge. No.. No... He just got Cas back, damn it! Cas looked up into the green eyes of Dean, his Dean.

Days passed but Cas was only getting worse, he was sweating and coughing and had started to glow slightly, like his grace was fighting. he had never felt like this before in his entire existence and it was horrible.

"It'll be okay." Dean kept telling him, while stroking his face with cold towels and dragging his fingers through his hair. Cas always responded with a quiet "It won't." Before closing his eyes and letting Dean keep taking care of him.

Sam was looking for answers, trying to find angels and even trying to get a hold of Crowley to see if he knew anything. he seemed to always know what was going on. Sam wished with all his might that he could call Bobby but he went with the next best thing and called Garth.

Sam stormed back into the motel room and sat down next to the bed with his brother and Cas. He sighed deeply, hating to be the bearer of bad news.

"Garth says heaven is retreating, going further away from this planet. The angels are leaving and soilders left behind will.. um.. will fade away and die." He whispered the last part and looked down at the man on the bed, glowing slightly, looking more like an angel now than ever before.

"I told you.." Cas coughed and Dean gripped his hand.

"No.. What does Garth know anyways. You'll be fine." He growled and squeazed Cas' hand tightly, holding on for dear life, literally.

"Dean, please. It's ok.. it will be okay, this was bound to happen sooner or later." Cas explained in a whisper. Dean shook his head roughly as tears started to fall from his eyes. Sam sneaked away quietly, leaving Dean with his angel.

"No... please. You have to stay with me." Dean growled, trying to keep his voice steady even though the tears streaming down his face was proof enough of his love for Cas.

"I'm sorry.. You'll be fine Dean." Cas' whispered, gripping Dean's hand in return and breathing shallow breaths. Dean leaned closer and placed a gentle kiss on Cas' forehead, running his fingers through his messy, black hair.

"I won't.. Don't leave me, Cas.. Please." Dean whispered, still lingering close to the angels face, sniffing and no longer caring how he looked or how weak he seemed.

"Dean... I love you." Cas said suddenly, stroking the hunter's knuckles gently. Cas' breaths were still coming in short and shallow gasps, he felt weaker, almost numb.

"I love you too, Cas.. Always." Dean whispered and a few tears fell from Cas' eyes before the room filled with a white, blinding light from Cas's eyes and mouth. Cas screamed lightly and Dean clung to his hand with all his might.

"No, Cas!" He shouted but the light faded quickly and left on the bed was a pale, limp body. Cas' hand was no longer gripping him back and his jaw was slack, his head turned towards him.

"No... Cas." Dean cried, feeling for a pulse and breath but Cas was gone. He was dean and Dean's whole world fell apart infront of him. Sam sat at the table with a drink as a silent tear fell down his face. He left Dean alone for now, not having the heart to pull his brother away from his angel.. not yet.. not ever.

"Cas..." Dean cried, putting his head on Cas' chest and gripping the trenchcoat tightly in his balled up fists. He stayed there for a long time, the entire night probably and the tears would not stop.  
Neither of the brothers realized that Cas' body had no marks of wings on the sides...


	2. Hello, Dean

It took him ages to get his strength back, to understand what had happened but now he was finally getting a better and stronger again. He had almost faded completely before Samandriel had got to him, it really was in the nick of time.

Cas was worried now, worried about Dean, worried about heaven.. just worried. Samandriel had returned and heard Cas' prayers but all the others were gone. Those who were left anyways. Heaven was empty besides himself and Samandriel now and Cas was at a loss on what to do.

He wanted to see Dean so badly. He wanted to talk to him, to hug him again, to have those green eyes look at him. He missed Dean so badly it was ridiculous. He learned to keep it quiet but he was pretty sure that Samandriel already knew and didn't care.

His vessel was gone now. Jimmy was dead and burned and burried and there was nothing left for him to use. He needed to find another vessel, he needed to be able to see Dean. It was important to him, so he searched, he searched the earth for any sign of that special glow of a born vessel. He could not use Jimmy's daughter, he had promised. He needed to find someone else, someone new.  
He found someone located relatively close to Dean, someone very different this time but it should be fine. He has been keeping track of Dean from afar, not too close because of the sound and light, but from above. he has been watching Dean since he was strong enough to even be aware of where he was. Now he was ready to get back to earth and Dean.

He spoke to her, quietly and mostly mentally but he spoke to her often. Everyday.. sometimes several times a day. She was surprisingly accepting of the idea of angels and heaven and him as a being. It was amazing.. like she had been expecting it. One night she went into the garden and looked up to the sky and said 'yes, I'll do it, yes' and that was all Cas needed. He had his vessel.

It felt different this time, this body was smaller, slimmer and there was long, reddish hair in the way. But he was on earth and now he needed to find Dean. He did a mind sweep of the near area and found his direction and goal, so he started walking. The legs were a bit shorter this time and he was wearing fewer layers of clothes, but he would have to fix that later. It was not of import at the moment.

He had no idea how long he was walking but eventually he made it to a run down motel, the room number flashed in his head easily enough and he went to knock on the door. Dean opened the door in the middle of eating but as he saw the redheaded girl, he stopped chewing, sipped his beer and smiled. Cas thought for a moment that Dean knew it was him but that smile was different. It was the way Cas had seen him smile at girl.

"Hello, Dean." He said but his voice sounded lighter than before, well girls do apparently have lighter voices. He still sounded serious and Dean stopped smiling. Cas saw something flash in his eyes for a split second before it was gone just as quickly.

"Um.. Do I know you?" He asked, confusion washing over his face as he arched an eyebrow at Cas, now in the womans body. Cas sighed and leaned against the doorframe.

"I do not have time for these antics. Can I come in?" He said roughly and Dean just stared at him, stunned, still blocking the entire doorway.

"Why? Who are you?" Dean asked and Sam joined him at the door just then. The brother's starde at their long lost angel, now not recognisable. Cas sighed and nodded slowly.

"My vessel confuses you, I understand. It's me, Castiel." He told them both, tilting his head slightly to the side. He watched Dean carefully as his eyes widened and his jaw dropped slightly. Sam frowned down at him and shook his head.

"No.. You're lying. We watched Cas die ok? Just get out of here." Sam growled at him darkly but Cas could only watch Dean as his eyes grew shiny and he started biting his lip absentmindedly, he missed that. Sam grabbed his brother's shoulder and went to slam the door but Cas quickly put his foot infront of it so he could still see them both.

"Don't.. Wait. What can I do to prove it. Dean, please." He whispered the last words and Dean looked up at him with shiny eyes and a quivering bottom lip. It tore at Castiel's heart to see Dean like this, he should have come sooner. He realized then what Dean went through, fully what he must have gone through. Dean waved Sam away quietly before looking back in Castiel's eyes.

"It's been over a year. I was by his side when he died. Nothing you say is gonna make me believe you're Cas. I don't know who told you, who you are or what you are. But please leave me alone." Dean said in a low voice and a lone tear escaped his eye as he spoke the last sentence. Cas tilted his head and frowned in sorrow.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I am.. It really is me, what can I say?" He asked in almost a whisper now, sadness weighing heavy on his heart at seeing Dean in this state.

"What was the last thing Cas said to me? Not even Sam knows.. what was it?" Dean asked frowning, thinking he got the girl now, no one could know that.

"I told you I loved you." Cas said, never breaking the eyecontact. he had missed those green eyes staring back at him. But it saddened him that they were shiny and upset instead of happy. He should have known. Dean's jaw drops once more and his eyes well up, tears starting to fall. he hated it, seeing Dean cry like that. He actually hated it.

"Dean.." He whispered, walking towards him slowly. Dean looked up, biting back his tears as he gripped his vessels jacket and pulled him into a hug.

"Cas.." He whispered back, almost in a sob as he clung to Cas with all his might.

"It's me.. I promise." Cas whispered back to the human in his embrace. he had missed these hugs and Dean's smell as he burried his now small face in his shoulder. The red hair hung infront of his eyes and as they pulled away Dean stroked some hair out of his eyes and tucked it behind his ear.

"I do like this vessel." He smiled through his tears and Cas returned the smile, tears falling from his eyes now as well.

"I thought you'd like it." He chuckled quietly. Dean seemed to compose himself slightly and took his hand, dragging him inside. Sam gaped at them both as they rushed past him. Dean dragged him into one of the bedrooms in the unusually big motel room and slammed the door.

"It's been a long fucking year." Dean mumbled before crashing their lips together. Oh it had been a long year indeed. Cas melted into the kiss and responded immediately. He definitely should have found a vessel sooner but none of that mattered. He was back, he was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this was the second and last part. I hope it left someone with a smile and not in tears. Hope someone liked it, don't be shy to let me know. I'm sure more will come from my Supernatural obsession but this was it for this story. Hope you guys enjoyed it! =D xo 
> 
> This is also my reaction fic to the fact that IF Cas had been a girl from the start he would have been with Dean many seasons ago.. just look at what happened with Anna.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the sad story, it was just a dream I had and then I kept evolving it in my head and I had to write it. Dean really loves Cas and nothing will convince me otherwise! =D Enjoy!


End file.
